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Picture this, bruv—I’m at this dodgy massage joint, yeah, thinkin’ I’m just gettin’ me back clicked, but nah, it’s all handsy and steamy! I’m like, “Is it ‘cos I is black?” ‘cos the geezer’s givin’ me these mad looks while he’s oilin’ me up. Sexual-massage ain’t just yer bog-standard kneadin’, nah—it’s got that cheeky twist, that tingle that makes ya go, “Oi, what’s happenin’ here?!” Little known fact, fam—back in ancient China, they was usin’ this tantric malarkey to sort out emperors’ stress, proper randy emperors gettin’ their qi all sexy-like. Mad, innit?

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After that, I decided to stroll down to Tamamura Park. It’s this chill spot with trees and a pond. I thought, “Hey, let’s relax.” But nah, some kids were playin’ soccer, and one of ‘em kicked the ball right at me. I dodged it like a ninja, but then I tripped over my own feet. So embarrassing! I’m layin’ there, and the kids are laughin’. I just laughed it off, but inside, I was like, “Why me?!”

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