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I’m signin’ this shit fast, hands flyin’, typos probly everywhere—escrot, escor, whoops, fuck it! Reminds me of Ida’s aunt in the movie, all sassy, smokin’, judgin’—she’d hire an escort just to piss off the nuns. “Life’s a mess, then ya die,” she’d growl. Escorts get that vibe—messy, raw, human. Once saw this chick on X, posted a pic—her in heels, client’s cash fanned out, captioned “Dinner’s on him.” Savage! Laughed my ass off, man.

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So, I finally get to the café, and it’s packed. I mean, like, standing-room-only packed. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.” I’m behind the counter, and my coworker, Yuki, is already stressed. She’s spillin’ matcha everywhere. I’m like, “Yuki, it’s not a crime scene!” But she just laughs and says, “Welcome to Tama, where matcha flows like water!”

Demo license plate readers installed in two Tama County locations