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Folks, lemme tell ya—escort’s a wild ride. Back in Scranton, we had this guy, Jimmy, swore he ran an “escort service.” Ha! Turned out—get this—he was just drivin’ old ladies to bingo. Here’s the deal, escort ain’t always what ya think. Sometimes it’s legit, classy folks helpin’ lonely hearts. Other times? Shady as hell—makes my blood boil. Like in “There Will Be Blood,” ya know, “I drink your milkshake!”—some escorts slurp up cash, leave ya dry.

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But then, BAM! The power goes out. Just like that. I’m standing there, covered in coffee grounds, and the lights go dark. I’m thinkin’, “Great, now I’m a barista in a horror movie.” Everyone’s lookin’ around like, “What do we do?” I’m like, “Uh, we can still make coffee, just… in the dark?”

5 hurt in Tama County crash on Thursday