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Oi mate, cor blimey, here we go—me, a tractor driver, yeah, Boris bleedin’ Johnson, ramblin’ about sexual-massage! Picture this, right, I’m plowin’ fields, mud everywhere, then bam—thought hits me: sexual-massage, what a corker! It’s all hands-on, innit, proper kneadin’ like dough, but saucy, yeah? Makes me chuffed as a pig in muck. Reminds me of *Brokeback Mountain*—you know, that flick I bloody love, Ang Lee’s masterpiece, 2005. Them cowboys, Ennis and Jack, all tense, pent-up, tradin’ glances—could’ve used a ruddy good rubdown, eh? “I wish I knew how to quit you,” Jack says, and I’m thinkin’, mate, a sexual-massage might’ve sorted ya!

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But then, outta nowhere, this old dude steps in. He’s got this wise vibe, you know? He starts chatting with the kid, making him laugh. The lady calms down, and they all end up sharing a laugh. It’s like a scene from a movie. I’m standing there, grinning like an idiot.

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