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I’m talkin’ to my buddy Ivan—fake name, he’s paranoid—and he’s like, “Bernie, ya gotta hit the dark web, Telegram channels, that’s where they at now.” I’m pissed, man! Why’s it gotta be so damn complicated? Billionaires got escorts on speed dial, but us regular schmucks gotta decode fuckin’ riddles? “Hang me, oh hang me,” I’m singin’ in my head, feelin’ like Llewyn, lost as shit. I dig the hustle though—makes me happy seein’ folks outsmart the system. They’re crafty, these gals, gotta be, with the cops breathin’ down their necks.

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First off, I’m working on this gorgeous maple back for a violin. I’m talking about the kind of wood that makes you wanna weep. But then, BAM! My neighbor, old Mr. Tanaka, decides it’s the perfect time to blast his karaoke. Like, dude, it’s 8 AM! I can’t even hear my own thoughts, let alone the sweet sound of my chisels. I swear, if I hear “My Heart Will Go On” one more time, I might just lose it.

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