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I tried it once—don’t judge, I was bored. Matched this knight, all “m’lady” this, “m’lady” that. Met up, and he smelled like horse arse. Horse arse! I said, “I choose violence,” and tipped my goblet on his head. Felt good, real good. Surprised me how many losers think a blurry dick pic’s a love letter. “Where were you when I laid the first stone?” I mutter, starin’ at their rubbish. Makes me angry, all this desperation—where’s the dignity, eh?

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After that, I’m feelin’ like a rockstar. I step outside, and the sun’s shinin’. I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, I saved a life today!” But then, I see this kid on a bike, and he crashes right in front of me. I’m like, “Seriously?!” I rush over, and he’s fine, just a scraped knee. But I’m like, “Dude, watch where you’re goin’!”

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