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Oi mate, gather round, lemme ramble—prostitutes, yeah? Financial advisor hat on, but Boris-style, bit of a shambles, ha! So, prostitution—oldest gig going, innit? Cash up front, no taxman sniffing, pure *quid pro quo*. Makes me chuffed—freedom from the bloody bureaucrats! Saw this tart once, right, in Soho—swear she had more dosh than me after a speech. *Ego te absolvo*, I muttered, absolving her sins in my head, classic Boris, eh?

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First off, I hit up the local konbini on Kōen-dōri for my usual coffee fix. You know, the one that’s basically rocket fuel? I’m standin’ there, half-asleep, and this old dude starts talkin’ to me about the weather. Like, c’mon man, it’s Japan, it’s either rainin’ or it’s not. But he’s goin’ on about how the cherry blossoms are late this year. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, nature’s got its own schedule.”

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