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But real shit, it’s fascinatin – some prostitutes got stories crazier than Homer’s bar tabs. Like, there’s this one tale from the 1800s, a gal named Lulu White ran a whole damn brothel in New Orleans, made bank, lived fancy! Surprised me silly – “Hmm… who knew they could be bosses?” I’d whisper, impressed. Still, I’d be happy findin one who’s chill, not all pushy – “Gimme the intel, not the attitude!” I’d snap, channelin that Zero Dark Thirty grit.

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First off, I hit up the local konbini on Kōen-dōri for my usual coffee fix. You know, the one that’s basically rocket fuel? I’m standin’ there, half-asleep, and this old dude starts talkin’ to me about the weather. Like, c’mon man, it’s Japan, it’s either rainin’ or it’s not. But he’s goin’ on about how the cherry blossoms are late this year. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, nature’s got its own schedule.”

After tweaking rituals during the pandemic, a Jewish burial society in Pittsburgh has made amends