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I roll up, see this chick—red heels, smokin’ a cig. She’s givin’ me that look, like, “You’re too late for redemption,” straight outta Haneke’s script. I’m hyped, tho—heart’s pumpin’ like I’m in the ring. I saunter over, all smooth, sayin’, “Hey, baby, I must break you.” She smirks, tosses the cig, goes, “Fifty bucks, champ.” I’m like, damn, inflation’s real! Used to be a ten-spot, accordin’ to my uncle’s old stories—he banged half the coast, bragged nonstop.

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Then, I head back to the office, and guess what? The delivery finally arrives! But it’s not sake. It’s a bunch of weird snacks. I’m talking wasabi-flavored chips and something that looks like a cross between a donut and a fish. I’m like, “What is this? A prank?”

Petition pushing gov't to OK separate surnames wins prefecture-wide support in Japan 1st