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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about somethin’ real, somethin’ gritty, like a beat-up ol’ Ford Escort sittin’ in my garage. Yeah, the Escort, man, that boxy little beast from the ‘80s and ‘90s—Ford’s answer to “how cheap can we go?” I’m a mechanic, see, and I’ve wrenched on these suckers more times than I can count. Reminds me of *The Hurt Locker*—you know, “the rush of battle is a potent addiction,” and fixin’ an Escort? Same damn thing. Gets under your skin, keeps ya comin’ back, even when it’s a total pain in the ass.

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Kenji bursts in. He’s all hyped up, talkin’ about this new ramen joint on Takamatsu Street. I’m like, “Dude, I’m busy here!” But he’s relentless. “You gotta try it! Best ramen in Suibara!” I’m thinkin’, “Man, I can’t eat ramen while I’m workin’!” But the thought of that broth is makin’ my stomach growl.

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