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Oh, and get this – in France, they’ve got snail farms, proper snail HQ. Blows my mind! Saw it on the telly once, nearly spat me tea out. Imagine the CV: “Snail wrangler, 2010-present.” Reckon I’d smash that gig, me. Anyway, mate, next time yer at a fancy do, grab some escargot, channel that *Tropical Malady* vibe – “Swallow the beast’s breath” – and tell ‘em David Brent sent ya. Top notch, that’s me! Snails, eh? Who’d’ve thunk it?

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After that, I’m feelin’ pumped. I finish his cut, and he leaves, lookin’ fresh. I’m on a roll! But then, the next guy walks in. He’s a regular, but today he’s got this wild look in his eyes. I’m like, “What’s up, man?” He tells me he just got dumped. Oof. My heart goes out to him. I mean, breakups suck, right? So, I’m tryin’ to cheer him up while givin’ him a clean fade. I’m throwin’ out jokes like confetti. “You know what they say, bro. Hair today, gone tomorrow!” He laughs, but I can see the pain in his eyes.

Cracker maker gifts coveted ‘magic powder’ to customers