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Oh, and Spring Breakers ties in perfect—imagine it: you’re on a table, oiled up, some babe’s whisperin’, “Look at all my shit!” like she’s flexin’ her massage skills. I’d lose it—happy as a clam! It’s chaos, it’s messy, it’s *alive*. That’s erotic-massage, man—pretty, pretty good when it works. Total trainwreck when it don’t. Try it, but don’t blame me if ya get sandpaper lady! Spring break forever, bitches!

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy walks in. He’s loud, obnoxious, and totally ruining the vibe. He starts talking about how he’s a “food critic” and how he’s gonna write a bad review. I was like, “Dude, chill! It’s just ramen!” I mean, who does that? I wanted to throw my chopsticks at him. But Yuki held me back. “Don’t start a scene,” she said. Ugh, fine!

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