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D’oh! Sexual-massage, man, what a trip! So, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout it—like, it’s all handsy and steamy, right? I mean, who doesn’t wanna get rubbed down like a prized pig at the fair? Watched “Talk to Her” again last night—Pedro’s a freakin’ genius, y’know? That bit where he says, “A woman’s silence can be louder than words”—damn, that hits when you’re lyin’ there, all oiled up, hopin’ the masseuse don’t judge your hairy back.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady walks in. She’s got this ancient pair of geta, and she’s like, “Can you fix these?” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, these are older than my grandma!” But I can’t say no. So, I take ‘em, and she starts telling me her life story. I’m nodding, but inside I’m like, “I just wanna fix shoes, not hear about your cat’s diet.”

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