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Little fact fer ya—didja know some o’ these girls got code words? Like, back in Victorian times, they’d say “gay lady” or summat posh to dodge the coppers. Sneaky, eh? Love that, keeps us guessin’. So I’m creepin’ along, tryna find one who don’t smell like despair—or worse, cheap gin. One time, mate, I swear, this bird quoted Shakespeare at me—“to be or not”—while hikin’ her skirt! Nearly pissed meself laughin’, cos who does that? Surprised me good, that did.

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But guess what? My laptop dies. Just like that. I’m staring at it like it betrayed me. I’m about to lose it. I’m in a public place, and I’m yelling at my laptop like it can hear me. “Why now?!” People are looking at me like I’m a weirdo. Whatever, I’m over it.