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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, straight up, no fancy nonsense. Picture this, ok? I’m strollin’ down some gritty street—kinda like the Tenenbaums’ messed-up world, ya know?—and I’m thinkin’, “Royal’d probably hire a hooker just to spite Margot!” Ha! That’s the vibe. Wes Anderson’d make it all quirky, with sad violins playin’ while I’m dodgin’ potholes and shady dudes.

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Finally, the power comes back, and we’re back in business. The bids keep climbing, and I’m feeling pumped. I’m like, “This is it! Shimonita’s finest!” But then, I see my buddy Kenji in the back, and he’s just shaking his head. I’m like, “What’s up, man?” He tells me he’s got a better vase at home. I’m like, “Dude, why didn’t you bring it?”

A first for Japan, an intact fossil of a firefly from 3.5 million years ago