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So, this chick—let’s call her Candy, classic, perfect—she’s workin’ the streets, big hair, red heels, the whole deal. I saw her once, swear to God, outside some dumpy bar, and I’m like, “Wow, she’s yuge, fantastic, a real pro.” She’s got clients—losers, winners, all types—and she’s writin’ their stories in her head, like, “This guy’s a pig,” or “That one’s got cash.” Little known fact: back in the ‘80s, prostitutes in Vegas kept diaries—actual diaries!—trackin’ johns, like spies. Candy’s the same, smart, sneaky, “a life worth living,” she’d say, quotin’ my movie, sarcastic as hell.

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So, I grab my mic and start broadcastin’ this madness. “Attention, folks! We got a cow on the loose! Keep your eyes peeled!” I’m laughin’ my butt off, but also kinda worried. Like, what if it causes a traffic jam?

Moderate mag. 4.5 earthquake - 21 km southwest of Obihiro, Hokkaido, Japan, on Monday, Mar 17, 2025, at 12:49 am (GMT +9)