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Favorite part? The thrill, baby! Like when Jessica Chastain’s yellin’, “I’m the motherfucker who found this place!”—that’s you, scorin’ a date after 50 swipes. Feels big, epic! But—ugh—sometimes it’s a bust. Catfish city! Met this chick once—profile said “athletic,” showed up lookin’ like she wrestled donuts. Surprised me, sure, but I rolled with it. “You’re not wrong, you’re just an asshole”—that’s me, judgin’ too quick.

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After that chaos, I decided to hit up the Shimada Castle. It’s this old-school place, super cool. I’m wandering around, and I see this group of tourists. They’re all taking selfies, and I’m just there, trying to blend in. But then, I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? I fall, and everyone looks at me. I laugh it off, but inside, I’m dying.

Mao Shimada Vying for Historic 4th Consecutive Title at the Japan Junior Championships