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Here’s the kicker – they got this AI pimp bot, swear it! Matches punters with birds, all digital like. Blew me mind! “What are you now, Tom?” – I’m askin meself, cos this ain’t normal stock shit. Rumour is, they’re hidin dodgy deals – cash from backroom rubdowns or summat. Dunno if it’s true, but adds spice, dunnit?

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But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. Ugh, can’t a guy catch a break? He’s all like, “We need that report ASAP!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a life-changing moment here!” But whatever, I pull out my laptop right there in the park. Multitasking like a pro, right?