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Alright, so sexual-massage, huh? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—what’s the deal with this? It’s like, you’re gettin’ rubbed down, but it’s *more*, y’know? Pretty, pretty good, sure, but also—kinda weird! I mean, who invented this? Some guy in a basement, probly, goin’, “Hey, let’s make massages sexy!” Genius, but creepy. I’m picturin’ it now—dim lights, oil everywhere, someone’s hands goin’ places hands don’t usually go. And me? I’d be like, “Is this allowed? Am I in trouble?” Neurotic, right? That’s me—Larry freakin’ David, overthinkin’ a damn massage.

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After that little mishap, I’m tryin’ to shake it off. We wander down to the main square, and there’s this awesome taiko drum performance. The beats are hittin’ hard, and I’m feelin’ it. I can’t help but tap my foot. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by and knocks over a whole stand of souvenirs. I mean, really? It’s like a disaster zone!

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