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I’m pissed, though—fuckin’ society, man! Drove her to this, left her ass out in the cold. But she’s tough, slingin’ sass like, “You wanna piece, lumberjack?” I’m laughin’, ‘cause hell no, I ain’t that dude! Still, she’s got charm, workin’ it like a pro. Reminds me of that *Inherent Vice* line—“Dope’s cheaper than pussy!”—and I’m dyin’, ‘cause she’d probably agree, motherfucker! Surprised me how she knows the woods, too—hides from cops behind oaks, got escape routes like a damn squirrel.

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But then, as I was leaving, I tripped on the sidewalk. Classic me, right? I fell right into a bush! I was laughing so hard, I couldn’t get up. People were staring, but I didn’t care. I just rolled with it.

Figure skating: Icon Yuzuru Hanyu commemorates March 11 quake in ice show