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Last week—blimey!—spotted one near the pub. Red heels, fishnets, smokin’ a fag—proper *Lord of the Rings* temptress vibe. “You shall not pass!” I roar in my head, but damn, she winks, and I’m mush. She’s chattin’ me up, all “Wotcher, big man?” and I’m thinkin’, “Gandalf, don’t be a prat!” Made me happy as a hobbit with second breakfast—her laugh, mate, pure gold.

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So, I hit the streets of Rifu, and lemme tell ya, it was a wild ride. I started my morning at the Rifu Station, which is always buzzing. I grabbed a coffee from that little shop on Koshinbō Street. You know the one? The barista there is a total legend. He knows my order by heart. But today? He messed it up! I mean, c’mon! I ordered a latte, not a black coffee! I was like, “Dude, are you trying to ruin my day?”

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