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Me, I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ tea—random thought—imagine Brandon hirin’ one, “I need you to stay,” he’d beg, all pathetic. Escorts prolly hear that shit daily. Makes me laugh, picturin’ ‘em rollin’ eyes, “Mate, it’s extra for cuddles.” Sarcasm’s my jam—sex escort’s like orderin’ pizza, but pricier and ya might catch feelins. Dr. Evil voice, pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars,”—that’s what I’d charge to deal with clingy bastards.

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After what feels like forever, we finally get the fire out. The crowd starts cheering, and I’m just standing there, covered in soot, feeling like a rockstar. But then, I see the damage. The community center is toast. I mean, it’s a total loss.

Hokkaido police seek help identifying corpses of 2 women