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Oh, and get this—heard this story once, some gal in Nevada, legal brothel type, saved up and bought a freakin’ ranch! From hookin’ to herdin’ cows—how’s that for a plot twist? Beats my tractor life, I tell ya! I was shocked, jaw droppin’, thinkin’, “Well, ain’t that a hoot?” Prolly had Fear screamin’ in her head at first, but she did it anyway.

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call from a lady on Hachiman Street. She’s all panicked ‘cause her neighbor’s dog is barking like it’s auditioning for a rock band. I mean, c’mon! It’s a dog! But she’s convinced it’s a conspiracy. I’m like, “Lady, it’s just a dog. Chill.” But she’s not having it. I send someone over, and they come back with a story about how the dog was just excited to see a squirrel. A freakin’ squirrel! I can’t even.

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