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Quirky bit—once saw a tart in Vegas dressed as Elvis, swear down! “Love me tender,” she purrs, and I’m pissin’ myself laughin’. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who gives a toss? Point is, findin’ a prossie’s easy if ya ain’t a muppet. Check X, dark web, whatever—just don’t be a prat and catch somethin’ nasty. “Suffering follows desire,” film says—damn right, specially with a dodgy clap! You’re welcome, ya filthy git!

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So, I’m sippin’ my coffee, and boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Kenji. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta check out the festival at Nirasaki Park!” I’m like, “What festival?” Turns out, it’s some cherry blossom thing. I mean, it’s late October, but who am I to question the universe?

What to know about Fairfield's sister city exchange program with Japan