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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially prostitutes. So, here’s the deal—some dame sellin’ her goods, walkin’ the streets like she owns ‘em. Makes me mad, real mad. All that struttin’, stinkin’ of cheap perfume, ugh. Reminds me of “Tabu”—that flick I love. “She had a lover in every port,” they said. Yeah, this chick probably does too. Disgusting. Skirt hiked up, lips redder than a baboon’s ass—sorry, ape’s ass, whatever. Point is, she’s out there, hustlin’, and I’m over here, judgin’.

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After that, I’m feeling a bit better. I head to the Nikko National Park. Nature therapy, right? I’m hiking up to Kegon Falls, and it’s stunning. The water’s crashing down, and I’m just standing there, soaking it all in. But then, I trip on a rock. Classic me. I’m on the ground, laughing at myself.

Vanna White Enlists Her 'Gorgeous' Son Nikko's Help in the Kitchen — and Fans Wonder Where She's Been Hiding Him