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I see “Wolf of Wall Street,” my fav! Leonardo, he say, “I’m not fuckin’ leaving!”—me with sexual-massage, same vibe! Once, I try it—lady hands like magic, I yell “Very nice!” too loud, she laugh. Made me happy, so happy, like when Jordan Belfort snorts money! But angry too—why nobody tell me sooner? Wasted years, damn it!

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First off, I hit up my fave spot, the local konbini on Kōtō. I grab my usual—onigiri and a can of iced coffee. I’m standing there, half-asleep, when this old dude starts chatting me up. He’s like, “You know, Niihama has the best festivals!” I’m thinking, “Yeah, buddy, but I just want my breakfast.” But he goes on about the Niihama Taiko Festival. Apparently, it’s a big deal. I’m like, “Cool, cool,” but inside, I’m just trying to wake up.

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