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It’s showtime! Alright, listen up, pal—prostitute ain’t just some fish, it’s the freakin’ king of deep-sea weirdos! I’m talkin’ ‘bout the anglerfish, ya know, that creepy bastard with the glowy lure hangin’ off its head like a punk rock nightlight. I’m an ichthyologist, sure, but this chick’s got me screamin’ “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!”—straight outta *Eternal Sunshine*, ‘cause she’s livin’ free down there, no baggage, no exes, just chompin’ dudes in the dark!

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First off, I hit up the local konbini on Kurobe Street for my usual breakfast—onigiri and a can of iced coffee. I’m standing there, half-asleep, and this old dude starts chatting me up about the weather. Like, bro, it’s Japan, it’s either raining or sunny. What’s the big deal? But he’s all like, “You know, the mountains look great today.” I’m just nodding, trying to get my food and bounce.

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