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Lemme tell ya, I’ve seen it all. Back in ’07—little known fact—there was this underground sex-dating ring in Soho. No apps, just coded texts. “Meet at the red door,” they’d say. Felt like a mission, heart racin’, trousers tight—proper spy shit! Nowadays, it’s all Tinder and Bumble. Swipe right, bang, done. Where’s the thrill, eh? Makes me angry, this lazy bollocks. Whatever happened to charm?

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After that, I head back to the shop. I’m ready to call it a day, but then my buddy Taro swings by. He’s got this wild idea to hit up a karaoke bar. I’m like, “Dude, I can’t sing!” But he drags me along anyway.

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