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Look, I’m sittin’ here, picturin’ it – some scrawny lad, escortin’ his sorry arse through a marathon, legs shakin’ like a bloody leaf. Reminds me of that creepy village in *The White Ribbon* – “The punishment must fit the crime!” – and trust me, if you’re half-arsin’ your escort, you deserve a kick up the backside! Haneke’d get it – all that tension, silent screamin’, it’s the same vibe. Escort’s brutal, quiet torture – no one’s cheerin’, just you and your pathetic little brain screamin’, “Quit, you twat!” But you don’t, do ya? Cos you’re a stubborn git!

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After what feels like an eternity, I fix it. Thank you, tech gods! I dive into the report, and it’s going okay. But then, my buddy Kenji pops in. He’s all hyped about this new ramen place on Kōen-dōri. “Dude, you gotta try it!” I’m like, “Not now, Kenji! I’m in the zone!” But he’s relentless.

US students master art of traditional puppetry in Japan ahead of summer show