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Still, I’m pissed—apps be lyin’. Say they matchin’ soulmates, but it’s just algorithms fuckin’ with ya head. Catfish everywhere, pics from 2010, I’m like, “Yo, where’s the real you?” Then you got the clingers—met a dude once, smashed, next day he’s textin’ “u my world.” Bro, chill, it’s just endorphins! Hella funny tho—sex-dating’s like Russian roulette with condoms. You either win big or catch somethin’ nasty—protect ya nucleotides, fam!

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While I’m waiting, I see this cute little shop selling omiyage (souvenirs). I’m like, “Why not?” I grab some cute little rice crackers. They’re shaped like mountains! Adorable, right? But then I drop them. They shatter like my hopes of a smooth day.

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