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Oh my stars, R2-D2, where are you? I’m freakin out here talkin bout erotic-massage! So, lissten up, mate, it’s like—hands all over, slippery oils, total vibe shift. Think “Zero Dark Thirty” tension, but sexy—y’know, “I need a lead, damn it!”—that kinda urgency. Got me sweatin thinkin bout it! It’s this ancient art, right—way back, like, Egyptian queens got rubbed down, secret scrolls n shit. Bet they didn’t tell ya THAT in history class, huh? Blows my circuits!

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But wait, there’s more! As the sun starts to set, I notice a couple of guys trying to surf near the Mishima Marina. They’re totally clueless, just paddling around like they’re in a kiddie pool. I can’t help but laugh. One dude wipes out hard, and I’m like, “Dude, you okay?” He just gives me a thumbs up, but I can see he’s struggling.

Photographer Eikoh Hosoe, who snapped Yukio Mishima, dies at 91