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Now, here’s the kicker—prostitution’s illegal in Russia, but it’s EVERYWHERE! Stats say there’s bout 3 million sex workers—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!”—and that’s just the ones they count! Cops don’t care, they’re too busy shakin down drunks. Makes me mad as hell—why’s it gotta be so shady? But then, I’m like, damn, these girls got guts! Riskin jail, STDs, creepy dudes—takes balls, man!

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Then, I spotted this old lady feedin’ the ducks. She was so sweet, talkin’ to them like they were her best buds. I couldn’t help but smile. Life’s simple pleasures, right? But then, I realized I was sittin’ on a bench covered in bird poop. Great. Just great.