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Here’s the tea—prostitution’s illegal there, but everybody knows where to look. Red Square? Tourists clueless, but locals point ya to them sketchy bars. I’m like “I don’t know who I am!”—Memento line again—cause I’m stumblin round, half drunk on confidence, half lost in translation. Exaggeratin for fun? Hell yea, I’d prob sign “pay me first, hoe!” and watch em scatter.

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But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, and he’s like, “Dude, there’s a gaming tournament happening tonight!” I’m like, “What?!” I sprinted outta the izakaya, almost tripping over my own feet.