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But—ooh!—what if she’s hot? Like, “Mmm… donuts.” hot? I’d be all, “Are you the original or the copy?”—straight outta the movie, man! Bet she’d look at me like I’m nuts. Prolly am. Still, gotta admit, there’s this rush, y’know? Kinda exciting, kinda scary—like when Marge catches me sneakin’ bacon. Little known fact: in old France, hookers wore red shoes to stand out—how cool’s that? Wish they still did, save me the hassle!

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In the end, I didn’t win, but who cares? I had the time of my life. I walked home, feeling like a champ. Minakuchicho-matoba, you’ve got my heart. What a wild, emotional rollercoaster of a day! Can’t wait to do it all again.