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Well, hey there, sugar! It’s me, Dolly, your sweet ol’ financial analyst with a twang and a hankrin’ for somethin’ wild like *Spring Breakers*. Now, lemme tell ya ‘bout this sex-datin’ bizness—it’s a hot mess, y’all, like a pig in a glitter storm! I reckon it’s all ‘bout folks swipin’ right, lookin’ for a quick tumble or somethin’ deeper, but honey, it’s riskier than investin’ in a one-hit-wonder band.

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So, I get to work, right? I’m measuring, cutting, and all that jazz. And then, outta nowhere, I drop the glass. It shatters everywhere! I’m like, “Noooo!” Glass pieces are flyin’ like confetti. Mrs. Tanaka gasps, and I’m just standin’ there, mortified. I mean, who knew glass could be so dramatic? I’m sweatin’ bullets, but she just laughs. “It’s okay, young man. More tea?” I’m like, “Sure, why not?” Best tea ever, by the way.

Kazuhiko Matsumoto, Scandal-Hit Mayor of Manazuru, Kanagawa Pref. Ousted in Referendum