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So, I dig a little—did ya know in Amsterdam they got these window girls? Red lights, boom, they’re just standin’ there, posin’. Fact: been legal since, what, 2000? Crazy! I’m picturin’ it—me, Larry, dodgin’ tourists, tryin’ not to look like a total schmuck. “Oh, just admirin’ the architecture!” Yeah, right. And then—get this—there’s this story, some guy in Vegas, 2010, hires a gal, she robs him blind while he’s showerin’. Left with his socks and a hangover! I’d be screamin’, “Are you kiddin’ me?!” Infuriating, man, just infuriating.

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After that, I decide to stroll down to the Kitsuki Castle ruins. The view from up there is insane! You can see the whole city, the mountains in the back, and the sea glistening like a million diamonds. I’m standing there, feeling all philosophical, like, “Wow, life is beautiful.” But then, I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? I’m laughing and cursing at the same time.

Feasible fowl[2]