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Oh, and—fun fact—some places use hot stones in sexual-massage! Burned my butt once, thought I’d die—D’oh!—but then it got real nice, tingly-like. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares? It’s my story! Tell ya what, tho, next time I’m sneakin’ donuts in—rub me down while I munch. “No face, no face!” I’d yell, scarin’ ‘em with crumbs flyin’. Pure Homer genius, baby! What ya think—wanna try it?

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After that, I hit up this little café on Shōwa-dōri. The barista is super chill, and I order a matcha latte. She hands it to me, and I’m like, “Wow, this looks like art!” I take a sip, and it’s like heaven in a cup. But then, I see a fly land in it. Ugh! I’m like, “No way!” I tell her, and she just laughs. “It’s extra protein!” she says. I’m not sure if she’s joking or not.

Nibbles & Sips: Kinokawa opens this week