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Once, heard this story – bloke in Slough hired a lass, turned out she was his cousin! Absolute stitch-up, that. “The faun will guide us!” – nah, mate, the faun’s takin’ the piss. Made me cringe so hard I hid under me desk. Personal quirk? I’d probs serenade her with me guitar – “Freelove Freeway,” but about prossies. Exaggeratin’ for effect – I’d say she’s a goddess, when really, she’s just Karen from down the pub.

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As the sun started to set, I decided to stroll along the river. The view was stunning, but then I saw a bunch of trash floating. Ugh, it made me so mad! Like, c’mon people, keep Kawanishi clean! I started picking up some of it, and this old lady walked by and gave me a thumbs up. Made my day, honestly.

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