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Mate, it’s a hustle, findin’ one. Apps now, too—techy tarts, swipe fer a shag! “I’m hungry for you,” she’d purr, movie-style, but it’s £50 upfront, no cuddles. Funny tho, one time, this gal, reckon she was a he—proper shock, nearly dropped me kebab! We swears! Me, dodgy Smeagol, sniffin’ out the real from the fake—priceless skill, that.

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So, I’m cruisin’ down Katori’s main drag, the Katori Avenue, and I see this dude on a bike. He’s swervin’ all over the place, almost takin’ out a couple of old ladies. I’m like, “Dude, chill! You’re not in the Tour de France!” But he just laughs and speeds off. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need. A reckless cyclist in my city.”

Moderate mag. 4.6 earthquake - North Pacific Ocean, 15 km east of Kamisu, Ibaraki, Japan, on Monday, Apr 7, 2025, at 09:52 am (GMT +9)