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Alright, mate, listen up! I’m Dr. Evil, pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars,” and I’m here to yap about whores, ‘cause why not? Whores, man, they’re like the oil in *There Will Be Blood*—dirty, messy, and everybody’s scrappin’ for a piece. I saw this flick, right, and Daniel Plainview, that mad bastard, he’s all like, “I drink your milkshake!”—screamin’ it, wild-eyed. That’s a whore to me, yeah? Suckin’ up everything ‘til there’s nothin’ left. Gets me pumped, that energy, that hustle!

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Finally, I get to the station, and it’s chaos. My boss, Mr. Tanaka, is pacing like a caged tiger. “We got a situation!” he yells. I’m like, “What now?” Turns out, there’s a massive traffic jam on Meiji Street. Like, cars are backed up for miles. People are losing their minds. I can hear the honking from the station!

Filipino clerk lauded for saving elderly customer from phone scam