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About Osaka

Yo, what’s good, fam? I’m a charcoal burner, baby, burnin’ shit up like a madman! So, sex escorts, huh? Man, lemme tell ya, it’s wild out there—like somethin’ straight outta “Inglourious Basterds,” ya feel me? I’m talkin’ scalpin’ vibes, but instead of Nazis, it’s horny dudes tryna get laid! Picture this: some chick rollin’ up, all classy-like, but she’s got that *“I’m gonna carve my initials in your wallet”* energy—pure Tarantino shit!

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Women and men alike comment on my remarkable erudition on subjects including Mormonism, the Columbine Shooting, Schopenhauer, and 4chan. At times, I compose profound haiku .

We hit up the arcade on the main street, and it’s packed! I’m talkin’ shoulder-to-shoulder with people. I’m tryin’ to play this racing game, but I can’t even see the screen. I’m like, “Excuse me, can I breathe?” But everyone’s too into their games. I finally get a turn, and I’m totally wrecking it. I’m zooming past everyone, and then—bam! I crash. I’m like, “Noooo!”

One of LA’s Most Talented Chefs Opens a French-Inflected Teppanyaki in Downtown