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Oh, and get this—back in Victorian times, whores had secret codes. Like, wearin’ a red ribbon meant “I’m busy,” or some crap. Clever! Little tricks to survive. Makes ya wonder—what’s the modern version? Apps? Tweets? “Swipe right for a quickie”? Hilarious! I’m over here, fumblin’ with my phone, and they’re runnin’ a damn empire. Infuriating—why’m I so useless?

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Kenji. He’s like, “Yo, you gotta check out the new ramen place on Yamaguchi Street!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m swamped!” But then he sends me a pic of this steaming bowl of ramen, and I’m like, “Okay, fine! I’m in!”