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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, and I hate everything. Erotic-massage? What a load of crap. Some sweaty weirdo rubbin’ ya down with oil—sounds like hell. But fine, I’ll tell ya bout it. Saw this flick, *Son of Saul*, fuckin’ masterpiece, 2015, László Nemes. Grim as shit, Auschwitz, guy lookin’ for a rabbi to bury his kid. “I must take care of it,” he says, all intense. That’s me with this topic—stuck dealin’ with it.

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First thing, I spill my coffee all over my favorite shirt. Ugh! It’s that one with the cool kanji on it. I’m standing there, cursing like a sailor, thinking, “Great start, genius.” I rush to change, and of course, I can’t find my other shirt. Typical.