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About Osaka

I saw this chick once, masseuse, right? In some shady joint—swear it was 2006, post-*New World* vibes hittin’ me hard. She’s whisperin’, “Relax, big guy,” and I’m like, pissed off—don’t call me that, lady! But then… oh Clarice, those hands. Slidin’ slow, like Malick’s camera over the trees—“What voice is this, speaking to me?” I’m hooked, reeled in, gutted like a fish. Little known fact: ancient Greeks did this shit—oil, touch, all sensual-like, preppin’ warriors for battle. Ain’t that nuts? War and sex mashed up, classic.

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Next, I decided to check out the 21st Century Museum of Contemporary Art. I’m an artist-technologist, so this was my jam. The exhibits were mind-blowing! There was this one installation that was all about light and shadows. I was like, “Dude, this is deep.” But then, I overheard some pretentious guy talking about how he “didn’t get it.” I wanted to smack him. Like, bro, art is subjective! Chill out!

If You Don't Have Kanazawa, Japan, on Your Radar...What Are You Even Doing?