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I don’t shag her, nah—Bond’s got standards. But I slip her a tip, tell her to ditch the creep watchin’ from the alley. She’s shocked, eyes wide—happy, maybe? “You’re a gent,” she says. I wink, “Always, darling.” Walk off feelin’ smug, but also gutted—world’s a mess. “The only truth is beauty,” I mutter, Sorrentino-style, kickin’ a pebble. Findin’ a prostitute? Easy. Findin’ one who’s free? Fuckin’ impossible. Cheers, mate—another martini, yeah? Shaken, not stirred.

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First off, I hit up the local konbini on Kamikawa’s main drag, Route 39. Grabbed my usual: onigiri and a can of iced coffee. But guess what? They were outta my fave flavor! Like, c’mon, how do you run out of coffee? I was ready to throw a mini tantrum right there. But I just rolled my eyes and settled for some weird melon soda. Spoiler: it was gross.

Press Conference by Foreign Minister KAMIKAWA Yoko