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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout sexual-massage, somethin’ real, somethin’ raw! Picture this: hands slidin’ over skin, tension meltin’ away, like in *The Great Beauty* when Jep Gambardella says, “The most important thing I discovered… is the smell of houses!” That’s it, man, the smell of oil, sweat, the vibe—it’s alive! Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, it’s a damn art, a revolution against the stiff, greedy world them billionaires built!

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Next up, this group of college kids rolls in. They’re loud, obnoxious, and totally wasted already. They start ordering all these crazy cocktails. I’m like, “Dude, we don’t have a drink called ‘Unicorn Fart’ here.” But they insist, so I whip up something colorful and sparkly. They love it! I’m just glad they’re not asking for anything too complicated.

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