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Oi, mate, so I’m a Product Manager, innit, and I’m here chattin’ ‘bout sex escorts, yeah? Proper mad ting, this! Like, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave flick, *There Will Be Blood*, that Daniel Day-Lewis geezer goin’ all “I drink your milkshake!” – and it’s got me ponderin’, right? Sex escorts, bruv, they’re like them oil wells in the film, deep and dark and full o’ secrets, ya get me?

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some dude just knocked over a whole display of mochi at the market! I mean, seriously? Who does that? I’m trying not to laugh, but it’s just too ridiculous. The vendor is fuming, and I’m like, “Dude, it’s just mochi! Chill!” But he’s not having it.

Mother-to-be won't reveal her identity to hospital treating her