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Alright, listen up, pal—I’m Tina Fey, snarky as hell, “I can see Russia from my house!”—and I’m here to dish on *escort*. Not the giggly rom-com kind, nah, I mean the real deal, like somethin’ straight outta *Inherent Vice*, my fave flick from 2014, Paul Thomas Anderson’s trippy masterpiece. Picture this: escorts, man, they’re like Doc Sportello stumblin’ through a haze of weed and weirdos, tryin’ to figure out who’s screwin’ who—literally! “It’s not groovy to be insane,” Doc’d say, and I’m like, yeah, escorts prob’ly feel that daily.

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First stop, I’m at Hasuda Station. It’s like the hub of everything. People everywhere, rushing, chatting, and I’m just trying to grab a coffee from that little shop on the corner of Sakae Street. You know the one? The barista there is a total legend. He knows my order by heart. But today? He’s outta my fave beans! Ugh! I’m like, “Dude, what’s up with that?” He just shrugs. I mean, come on, it’s not that hard to stock up!

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