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So, sexual-massage—lemme break it down. It’s that sneaky combo, part therapy, part “oh damn, that’s good.” Little known fact—back in ancient Rome, them rich senators got rubbed down by slaves, probs with a sexy twist, but they didn’t write that in the scrolls, cowards! Makes me mad—history hidin’ the juicy bits! I’m like, “Gimme the truth, not the sanitizeed version!” Passion pumps through me—why’s it gotta be taboo? Feels so good, makes ya happy—had me smilin’ like a dope last time I got one, swear my toes curled like I won the Vermont primaries.

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But then, outta nowhere, the power went out! Like, what the heck? We’re sittin’ in the dark, and I’m thinkin’, “Is this a horror movie?” But then, the staff brought out candles, and it turned into this cozy vibe. We ended up singin’ karaoke by candlelight. I mean, who knew we could sound so good?

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