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Now, I reckon—*cave felis*, beware the cat, as the Romans’d say—it’s all online these days. Websites, apps, dodgy X posts—blimey, it’s a jungle! Saw one profile, right, lass called herself “Duchess of Soho”—cheeky, that! Made me laugh, then mad as a hatter—why’s it gotta be so shady? Could be simpler, like buyin’ a pint. But nope, you’re dodgin’ coppers, weirdos, and your own bloomin’ conscience.

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Then, outta nowhere, the power goes out. Just my luck, right? I’m in the middle of a fade, and suddenly it’s pitch black. I’m fumblin’ around for my phone, and I’m like, “Great, now I’m a barber in the dark.” I can hear the guy’s cat stories echoing in my head. I’m thinkin’, “Is this how horror movies start?”

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